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Tires made of pussy 8/21/2016
We were having a discussion at the bar one afternoon. This
girl said, "If tires were made of pussy they would
never wear out!". I told her that it wouldn't
work. The whole world would then smell like fish!!
3 Comments, 56 Views,
16 Votes
,3.27 Score
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Why do people always say things that arent? 8/2/2016
Why do girls always say they dont want anything serious,
then all of a sudden they want something serious? Why not just be straight up?
4 Comments, 37 Views,
11 Votes
,4.10 Score
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paying for services 7/21/2016
When is cheating on your partener, if you go get a massage
with a happy ending is that cheating, if you pay for a service
is that cheating, women are offering all kinds of services
to men.
It does not mean you don't love your girl or wife!!
2 Comments, 32 Views,
13 Votes
,1.80 Score
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The Fickle Times We Live In..... 4/15/2016
"Nevermind what's being said to you! Then maybe
you could learn to fuck better!"
That's what I said to her as I came in her mouth after,
a less than par blowjob.....
"Didn't you learn anything from those porn flicks
that you keep in your closet?!!"
I had asked her that before, and she hates it every time.
She then says to me, that, she thought I loved her, and she ...
1 Comments, 96 Views,
13 Votes
,0.46 Score
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Lessor of two evils 3/11/2016
"So let me get this straight, " the prosecutor
says to the defendant, "you came home from work early
and found your wife in bed with a strange man." "That's correct, " says the defendant.
"At which time, " continues the prosecutor,
"you take out a pistol and shoot your wife, killing
her." "That's correct, " says the defendant.
"Then my question to you is, why did you shoot your
wife and the man ...
0 Comments, 229 Views,
24 Votes
,4.95 Score
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Make her scream... 3/11/2016
Hey guys... I figured out how you can make your girlfriend or wife or
whatever scream during sex.. It's super easy and it works every time... All ya gotta do.. While you are having sex take your phone... and call your girl and tell her about it...
5 Comments, 112 Views,
17 Votes
,4.68 Score
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Look how sexy my wife is... 2/6/2016
...That is all.
-Sexxxcrzd(m)
14 Comments, 174 Views,
26 Votes
,5.61 Score
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the vagina!!! 1/31/2016
The best engine in the world is the Vagina. It can be started
with one finger, It is self lubricating, It takes any size
piston, And it changes it's own oil every four weeks.
It is only a pity that the management system is so fucking
temperamental.....
4 Comments, 120 Views,
41 Votes
,7.16 Score
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its funny now not s much then 12/6/2015
nikki an myself was in bed and she says she has to pee.okay
I thought get up and go like any sane person would do.well
she for some reason got the idea to act like she was a and
omg she pissed on me!!and I don't mean just a lil I mean
straight full blast peed lol then says she was marking what
belongs to her lol I couldn't be mad after that bc it
was so funny and sweet at the same time yet she ...
4 Comments, 98 Views,
21 Votes
,2.14 Score
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wife joke 10/30/2015
A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband
is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but
warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her
to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night,
she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the
doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great!
I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't ...
14 Comments, 453 Views,
41 Votes
,6.76 Score
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BBQ time 10/30/2015
A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt
is getting really big. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!"
Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances
towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's
wrong?" he asks. She answers, "Do you really
think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one
little weenie?"
5 Comments, 225 Views,
22 Votes
,5.77 Score
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Always use condoms? 10/29/2015
Many will say YES! Let me state my case: 1st I was with the
same partner for over 20 yr.s before she passed away. Last
full physical showed No STDs & a sperm count so low,
as to not exist. 2nd I have a reaction to latex [Rash] &
little or no sensation. So, I ask if she can prove she is disease free - which I feel
is being honest- and that for reasons stated I don't
use condoms. Mostly, I get ...
1 Comments, 88 Views,
8 Votes
,1.86 Score
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Always use condoms? 10/29/2015
Many will say YES! Let me state my case: 1st I was with the
same partner for over 20 yr.s before she passed away. Last
full physical showed No STDs & a sperm count so low,
as to not exist. 2nd I have a reaction to latex [Rash] &
little or no sensation. So, I ask if she can prove she is disease free - which I feel
is being honest- and that for reasons stated I don't
use condoms. Mostly, I get ...
3 Comments, 46 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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ANOTHER POEM FOR THE MAG -= SAD, FUNNY & LAME 8/22/2015
LAMO
We met in a chat room General conversation Things get hot & heavy She is coming over for sex. ‘Can’t see you till after work Be there by 8 AM my dear.’
She had sent a photo From the neck to her waist To whet my appetite I guess She was lovely, bare big breasted.
Troubled sleep – toss & turn Big Yoda is throbbing My mind is in a whirl Putting a face & name ...
2 Comments, 76 Views,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Karma 8/20/2015
Two former female neighbors met in the Afterlife, after
both suffering untimely deaths. Being surprised to see each other, they asked how they me
their fates. One woman said she froze to death. "Oh, my goodness!" the other replied, "that's
terrible" "Well; not SO bad" the other replied, "After
a while the cold went away, and I drifted off into a warm sleep"
The second woman said she died of a ...
3 Comments, 236 Views,
26 Votes
,5.40 Score
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The Successful 8/3/2015
Four men went golfing one day. Three of them went to the 1st tee while the other went to to
the club house to pay the bill. The three men started bragging
on their sons. The first man said "My is a successful home builder.
He's so successful that he gave a friend a new home for
free. The second man said "My is such a good car salesman
that he know owns a multi-line dealership. And because ...
4 Comments, 229 Views,
17 Votes
,5.67 Score
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Listen up 7/15/2015
I was talking to my ex one day after sex and asked who is the
best lover you ever had ? I was feeling pretty sure she was
going to say me after the fancy fuck I just gave her but no
. Yap yap yap she went on and on . I kind of stoped listening
until I heard . And in the shower Rose said you might as well
wash my back and ass a deal is a deal . What ? What deal ? I asked
. Rose my second roommate ...
2 Comments, 304 Views,
15 Votes
,2.52 Score
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gossipers!!! 6/15/2015
Mildred, the church gossiper and self-appointed monitor
of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into
other people's business. Several members did not
approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared
her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused a new member,
Henry, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup
parked in front of ...
3 Comments, 244 Views,
39 Votes
,6.82 Score
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Having sex with The King! Thank you.. Thank you very much... 4/15/2015
I have always found ways to make a girl bust up laughing;
while we have sex.. Creative singing is one them.. I have a knack for turning something innocent; into something
naughty..... For instance.. I heard an Elvis song while driving to a date.
Latter when we were ready for a romp, I sang my dirty version.
It went like this: Are you lonesome tonight?... ...
2 Comments, 94 Views,
11 Votes
,4.66 Score
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For Fun 3/15/2015
A boss said to his secretary I want to have SEX with you I will
make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by
the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done. She thought
for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for
$2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even
have enough time to undressed himself." So she ...
3 Comments, 244 Views,
20 Votes
,4.53 Score
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Dead Roses! 11/21/2014
On my fifth wedding anniversary i decided to get my wife
a dozen red roses, they looked a little wilted and thought
that they just needed some water and some miracle grow for
flowers. I bought the roses thinking that i could bring
them back to life somehow. When i got home if put them in vase
with some water and miracle grow. An hour had passed and
they looked a little bit better but still looked ...
2 Comments, 91 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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A Realization After Sex 11/13/2014
So the encounter began as hot and passionate as ever! She
started unbuttoning my shirt, but had to raise her arms
so I could throw HER shirt off! She must have thought, forget
the buttons, and tried to pull mine over my head too!
We were tearing each other's clothes off like they
were on fire!
She went for my belt, I went for her bra, and after struggling
like I was trying to ...
3 Comments, 231 Views,
18 Votes
,3.26 Score
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Funny 11/12/2014
Have you ever gotten rug burns from having sex on a carpet?
There's nothing funny about it the next morning.
18 Comments, 133 Views,
29 Votes
,5.25 Score
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Testimonials 11/7/2014
If you get one do you always allow it to show up on your profile
or do you sometimes hide them?
5 Comments, 67 Views,
14 Votes
,3.30 Score
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Going 10/31/2014
Funny how the longer you know someone the more you get use
to seeing them going to the bathroom and how little it matters.
11 Comments, 126 Views,
24 Votes
,6.20 Score
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Humor 10/21/2014
We think it's really funny how many guys want us to watch
them jerk off on cam. Do they really think that's what
people on here want to see? Oh and just an added note for those
of you that think a woman is watching you on all those couple
profiles. It isn't.
9 Comments, 90 Views,
19 Votes
,4.44 Score
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Funny? 10/15/2014
If you write me and ask to fuck, suck or perform any other
sex act with you before we've had a chance to chat first
then I'll know you're just being funny.
9 Comments, 108 Views,
25 Votes
,6.56 Score
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Understanding Women 10/1/2014
A Woman's Vocabulary, Keywords and Meanings (as taken
from an interview with a woman)
FINE This is the word we use at the end of any argument in which
we feel we are right, but need to shut you up. NEVER use 'Fine'
to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have
one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your ...
3 Comments, 56 Views,
9 Votes
,4.07 Score
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Understanding Men 10/1/2014
"IT'S A GUY THING" Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern
connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making
it logical."
"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"UH HUH, " "SURE, HONEY, " OR "YES,
DEAR" Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned
response.
"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN" Translated: "I ...
2 Comments, 42 Views,
7 Votes
,3.80 Score
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When Alice Went Deer Hunting 10/1/2014
It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up
ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down
to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise
he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed
in camouflage.
Jake asks her: "What are you up to?"
Alice smiles: "I'm going hunting with you!"
Jake, though he had many reservations about ...
2 Comments, 200 Views,
13 Votes
,4.82 Score
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